Life Lessons 101: Stina Edition : Another Year...

Life Lessons 101: Stina Edition : Another Year...: So yesterday I had an internal melt-down. I was reminded that my son gets out of school on the 23rd (THIS FRIDAY) and he'll be in the th...

Another Year...

So yesterday I had an internal melt-down. I was reminded that my son gets out of school on the 23rd (THIS FRIDAY) and he'll be in the third grade soon. YIKES! And then shortly thereafter, I'll be turning 29. I knoooow. I know. It's only 29.. There are a lot of people a LOT older than me that are baffled when someone my age even brings up the age factor. I started early on most things though. 15 1/2 I was an on-air personality until i was almost 19. As soon as I graduated High School I went straight to college over the summer, and continued until I got pregnant with my son at age 19. By 20 I was starting my venture as a single mom- working multiple jobs, and still trying to have my own identity when my son would go to his dads on the weekends. It really seems like the past 8 years have flown by at an incredible rate. And somehow, while trying to figure out how to mold my son into a well-behaved, productive member of society; that doesn't feel like he's "owed" anything from this world, I forgot that stopping and soaking up all that he's learning is VITAL. Not just for him. But for me too. It seems like we're so busy trying to educate, lead, guide, support and love on our kids, that we forget to watch them use what we've taught them. I took Janson to the park yesterday. I pulled my cell phone out only to take pictures of him. I watched him interact with the other kids using the tools I've given him. I couldn't be more proud. My parents always told me that the years would eventually start to fly by. I know it's only 29... But I don't want to be that mom and wife that's oblivious. I also don't want to be that mom that spends so much time running that I hit some psychotic mid-life crisis, later on down the road, because I feel like everything I've done was in vain. I wanna see that all of this time I've invested has paid off. And the only way I can do that is if i take a break from delegating for a moment. Take a break from running. Slow down. Watch him grow and use what's in his tool belt. These years are going to be behind us soon. I want to savor it all. I still have responsibilities, but right in this moment my biggest one is making sure that Janson knows that I'm not just there... But I'm present.... emotionally, mentally, and physically. Auto- pilot is too easy to fall into. I know, I've seen me do it. I'm ok with my birthday coming, and I'm ok with 29,30,40,50. I'm also OK with my son growing up. I just want to make sure I don't look back and wish I had given more. SO here's to another year older. Here's to not just leading, teaching, loving and guiding. Here's to being present.

Keeping up with the Janes

(Philippians 4:11; Not that I speak in respect to lack, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content in it.) I met a lady once that always seemed to have it all together; being around her brought a tidal wave of emotions that I had never experienced all at once- astonishment, admiration, and irritation with a dash of intimidation. She was on the PTA, worked a solid job, her house was always spotless and so were her kids.. yes, more than one. She was giving, loving, kind, soft spoken, self disciplined, obedient to her husband... The laundry list goes on and on. Being around her was like I had stepped into a home off of the Stepford Wives. After some time of being around "Jane", I realized I was a lot more like her than I had thought... Or well... She was a lot more like me. I discovered that though this poster mom had it all together from the outside, there were things going on inside of her that no one could see. She struggled with her self image, she was lonely because her husband spent more time in other places than he did at home, she felt unappreciated as he walked by the well behaved kids, and spotless house and never gave her a thank you. She felt spiritually drained because church and God just kind of turned into a routine, a knee jerk. But she plastered on a smile and pushed through. I learned that some days she struggled to get out of bed, and that like me she daily fought an eating disorder. I'm a people watcher and learner. I talk more than most, but somehow I'm able to pay attention and soak up what's around me simultaneously. I've watch people for years compare their life to someone else's. Compare their body to another's. I've watch grown adults spend time saturating themselves in their jobs to have what the next guy has. Thinking "If I could get what they have, my world will look like theirs does". OK, maybe not that exactly, but you get the point... We trade these things for our marriages, we trade them for our children, we trade them for our integrity and dignity. And we wonder what's wrong with us, and our lives. We never stop to think that "Jane" - though very well put together on her highlight reel- has a terrible mess behind the scenes. And so the cycle continues. I'm learning that we all have flaws. Every person that you meet has something going on inside of them.... An internal battle of good and evil. And if I really stop and think about it, when we compare the outside view of someone's life to our own, we're comparing it to something that is sometimes superficial. We're comparing one person's mask to our own. Even to go so far as to say "Well, my mess isn't as bad as hers" or "Well, I'm definitely having a better day than THAT guy" is just as destructive. People say all the time that they prefer the TRUTH. And then you tell them the truth when it's asked of you, and they don't want to hear it. They want a quick fix. They want a solution to fall into their laps. They don't want to hear that they need to work on THEM and stop wanting what "Jane" has, because Jane has a mess too. And Jane is looking at you wanting what you have. There are a TON of things we're NOT, but there are even more things that we ARE. Letting go of comparison, and learning to LOVE who we are, APPRECIATING what we have and learning to accept God's correction are ingredients for contentment. What a load off of our shoulders it would be if we weren't always trying to keep up with the "Janes".