Life Lessons 101: Stina Edition : Another Year...

Life Lessons 101: Stina Edition : Another Year...: So yesterday I had an internal melt-down. I was reminded that my son gets out of school on the 23rd (THIS FRIDAY) and he'll be in the th...

Another Year...

So yesterday I had an internal melt-down. I was reminded that my son gets out of school on the 23rd (THIS FRIDAY) and he'll be in the third grade soon. YIKES! And then shortly thereafter, I'll be turning 29. I knoooow. I know. It's only 29.. There are a lot of people a LOT older than me that are baffled when someone my age even brings up the age factor. I started early on most things though. 15 1/2 I was an on-air personality until i was almost 19. As soon as I graduated High School I went straight to college over the summer, and continued until I got pregnant with my son at age 19. By 20 I was starting my venture as a single mom- working multiple jobs, and still trying to have my own identity when my son would go to his dads on the weekends. It really seems like the past 8 years have flown by at an incredible rate. And somehow, while trying to figure out how to mold my son into a well-behaved, productive member of society; that doesn't feel like he's "owed" anything from this world, I forgot that stopping and soaking up all that he's learning is VITAL. Not just for him. But for me too. It seems like we're so busy trying to educate, lead, guide, support and love on our kids, that we forget to watch them use what we've taught them. I took Janson to the park yesterday. I pulled my cell phone out only to take pictures of him. I watched him interact with the other kids using the tools I've given him. I couldn't be more proud. My parents always told me that the years would eventually start to fly by. I know it's only 29... But I don't want to be that mom and wife that's oblivious. I also don't want to be that mom that spends so much time running that I hit some psychotic mid-life crisis, later on down the road, because I feel like everything I've done was in vain. I wanna see that all of this time I've invested has paid off. And the only way I can do that is if i take a break from delegating for a moment. Take a break from running. Slow down. Watch him grow and use what's in his tool belt. These years are going to be behind us soon. I want to savor it all. I still have responsibilities, but right in this moment my biggest one is making sure that Janson knows that I'm not just there... But I'm present.... emotionally, mentally, and physically. Auto- pilot is too easy to fall into. I know, I've seen me do it. I'm ok with my birthday coming, and I'm ok with 29,30,40,50. I'm also OK with my son growing up. I just want to make sure I don't look back and wish I had given more. SO here's to another year older. Here's to not just leading, teaching, loving and guiding. Here's to being present.

Keeping up with the Janes

(Philippians 4:11; Not that I speak in respect to lack, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content in it.) I met a lady once that always seemed to have it all together; being around her brought a tidal wave of emotions that I had never experienced all at once- astonishment, admiration, and irritation with a dash of intimidation. She was on the PTA, worked a solid job, her house was always spotless and so were her kids.. yes, more than one. She was giving, loving, kind, soft spoken, self disciplined, obedient to her husband... The laundry list goes on and on. Being around her was like I had stepped into a home off of the Stepford Wives. After some time of being around "Jane", I realized I was a lot more like her than I had thought... Or well... She was a lot more like me. I discovered that though this poster mom had it all together from the outside, there were things going on inside of her that no one could see. She struggled with her self image, she was lonely because her husband spent more time in other places than he did at home, she felt unappreciated as he walked by the well behaved kids, and spotless house and never gave her a thank you. She felt spiritually drained because church and God just kind of turned into a routine, a knee jerk. But she plastered on a smile and pushed through. I learned that some days she struggled to get out of bed, and that like me she daily fought an eating disorder. I'm a people watcher and learner. I talk more than most, but somehow I'm able to pay attention and soak up what's around me simultaneously. I've watch people for years compare their life to someone else's. Compare their body to another's. I've watch grown adults spend time saturating themselves in their jobs to have what the next guy has. Thinking "If I could get what they have, my world will look like theirs does". OK, maybe not that exactly, but you get the point... We trade these things for our marriages, we trade them for our children, we trade them for our integrity and dignity. And we wonder what's wrong with us, and our lives. We never stop to think that "Jane" - though very well put together on her highlight reel- has a terrible mess behind the scenes. And so the cycle continues. I'm learning that we all have flaws. Every person that you meet has something going on inside of them.... An internal battle of good and evil. And if I really stop and think about it, when we compare the outside view of someone's life to our own, we're comparing it to something that is sometimes superficial. We're comparing one person's mask to our own. Even to go so far as to say "Well, my mess isn't as bad as hers" or "Well, I'm definitely having a better day than THAT guy" is just as destructive. People say all the time that they prefer the TRUTH. And then you tell them the truth when it's asked of you, and they don't want to hear it. They want a quick fix. They want a solution to fall into their laps. They don't want to hear that they need to work on THEM and stop wanting what "Jane" has, because Jane has a mess too. And Jane is looking at you wanting what you have. There are a TON of things we're NOT, but there are even more things that we ARE. Letting go of comparison, and learning to LOVE who we are, APPRECIATING what we have and learning to accept God's correction are ingredients for contentment. What a load off of our shoulders it would be if we weren't always trying to keep up with the "Janes".

Put it all on blast

I think God knows who we are. The good, the bad. The whole nine. And I think that we like to pretend he doesn't. We don't SAY it of course. But our actions do. Some of us grew up being told not to ask God why, or what, or when, or how. But we have those questions. It's like we're trained to believe that God will smite us for being real. He knows us. Why not just tell Him how we're feeling. Why are we so afraid to ask Him why or when? The disciples did  when Jesus went to the cross to die for our sins. And the WHOLE book of Habakkuk is The minor prophet Habakkuk asking God WHEN he's going to stop allowing his city to rebuke Christ in their actions etc. We experience pain, we hit faith walls. We're all tempted. But try somethin Caaaarazy for me. The questions, the hurt, the fears that you have, bring them to God. Ask him why. Ask Him for wisdom and understanding. And then shut up and wait. He may not answer right in the second that you think He should, but He will give you what you can wrap your brain around.  

Let's kick the weekends butt and enjoy every minute of it. 

Things I Suck At

I got to thinking about how God sees me, what HE thinks about me VS what I think about me. There are about 67 pieces of scripture in the bible that talk about God's love for us, and what we can do through Him. I sat back though, and thought about all of the things I SUCK at that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that if I'm successful at any one of them its because of God. 1.) I can't draw for beans. somehow I manage to screw up a stick figure. How?! i have no idea.... It's a soft spot, so I don't want to discuss it further. 2.) I know this sounds terrible, but I could NOT raise another baby. People ask for for parenting advice sometimes (i say just beat them...ok I'm lying) and there are times I volunteer what I did with my boy without anyone asking. But could I actually NATURALLY deal with the terrible twos, threes, and so on? probably not. Not without being heavily medicated. 3.) I suck at Candy crush. This has nothing to do with anything except me sucking. 4.) I suck at keeping things short and sweet, and to the point. I'm pretty sure it's a female thing, and I'm even more sure God is a man, so it makes sense that when I pray for Him to only allow me to say what he wants me to say, It's usually pretty direct, and short. 5.) I suck at being "organized"... or what the world sees as being organized. I know where everything is, even when its everywhere. 6.) I don't know how to whistle. don't laugh at me... i have tried for 28 years to whistle (yes I came out of the womb attempting this) Through all of the things I suck at, God uses them all. Minus the candy crush thing... 'less He uses it to build my patience. We all have weaknesses, we all have gifts. But the pretty flippin sweet thing is that God uses our weaknesses, and our suckiness to bring Glory to Him. What are things you suck at, that when God works through them, its obvious that it's ALL Him?

I seriously thought my head was going to explode from all of the brain constipation I had going on.... People would have to step over the creative juices that were all over the ground, once it happened. So instead of that, I decided to start a blog.
I was amazed at the amount of do's and don'ts I found floating around on the Internet. At one point I think the thought of writing a blog about not knowing how in the hell to write a blog, crossed my mind.
I see things differently than most. And if you can stand the journey long enough, I'm pretty sure you'll see why. I'm weird- take that how you will- I'm a mom, a wife, a friend, an employee.... I can go on and on with a laundry list of sexy hats I wear.
I'm not sure if a blog introduction is important, or a "no no" in the world of blogging.... But if I cared, I would have just went straight into making fun of short guys in big ol trucks ;)
Here's to Kids, ketchup, and nine-to-five. Here's to Life Lesson 101: Stina Edition.